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Coldstream Guards Mortar Iraq 0
Nearly there now
17 September 2020
Iraq
An alarming wake up
September 3, 2020 by TLO in Iraq
Shat Al Arab Hotel,
Basrah
Iraq
6th Sep 2005
Dear All,
Since being in this charming country I have been fortunate enough to have done some serious shopping both on the internet and locally. My more fashion-conscious friends will be depressed to hear Boden now offer me “valued customer” discounts. E bay has provided many useful things, a fetching pair of aviators that have improved my volleyball game, an external hard drive that means I can steal everyone’s digital music, I now have in the region of 58Gb of stuff I will never listen to, and 6Gb of S Club 7.
I have acquired box sets of every Friends episode, all the James Bonds, all three seasons of Alias, the box set of Lost, and am trying to track down the box set of all four seasons of 24. These DVD purchases are thanks to all the American supply convoys being attacked and robbed by the locals, and then sold to us! But by far my most useful purchase I picked up yesterday, and still haven’t recovered.
I have a new alarm clock and it’s in the shape of a mosque.
Now whilst this usually wouldn’t be such groundbreaking news as to warrant its very own email, let me describe this behemoth to you. Iraqis are not really famed for their timekeeping, neither are they famed for great taste. So to combine poor timekeeping with poor taste you get some pretty special results when designing an alarm clock. My plastic Mosque alarm comes complete with its own minaret, gaudy and offensive detailing in the brickwork and cornicing around the edges of the parapets, a blue light that illuminates the entire thing like an alien, and a clock that loses five minutes in every hour. It really won itself over by claiming to play the ‘Call to Prayer’ as its alarm. I can imagine you are all wondering why I am so amazed by this creation, bear with me.
Last night I set my alarm, taking into account the time lag that would take place through the night, and settled down for a good kip in our newly fixed air conditioning. I clearly got the time lag wrong, as at four o clock this morning a cacophony of almighty proportions erupted at the foot of my bed. I don’t mind admitting that it was the most terrifying wake-up call I have ever had. The world had to be ending, there was no other explanation for this extraordinary noise, a couple of drops of wee might have even escaped! It took some time to remember that I had purchased my new alarm clock, and this was probably the source of the noise. After thrashing around my bed to find a shoe to silence the machine, I was plunged into fabulous silence once more.
I lay in bed quivering in fear for some time, a few months ago a Chinese Rocket had rudely woken us all up detonating against the side of the hotel, I was nowhere near as nervous to go back to sleep, and that was the loudest explosion I have ever heard. What if it happened again? What if that damn Iraqi clock woke me from a pleasant dream with the sound of all my nightmares again.
This is where my excitement comes from.
Never again will I sleep in, its very possible that never again will I sleep but it’s a risk I am going to take, there is no amount of alcohol in the world that could make anyone sleep through this thing. I am bringing box loads home, and you will all receive one as a present from me to ensure you never have to be late for work as well. Each of you will receive a little box of bad taste to keep you from any unwanted lie-ins.
You will love it, maybe, sort of.
You may have gathered there is little news to report from out here, life just ticks on (clever pun?!) I hope you are all well, sleep well whilst you still have decent alarms clocks to wake you.
Take care
All my love
T
x
Basrah 2005 on patrol

The letter above is part of a series of letters I sent home from Basrah, Iraq in 2005 republished here for the first time since they got sent exactly 15 years ago (I will try and sync them with the real dates sent)

I suppose this was my very first attempt at blogging, before blogging was ever a thing!

I was a Captain in The British Army at the time and was in the middle of an unremarkable 7 month posting to Basrah surrounded by the remarkable men of the Coldstream Guards, my regiment for 7 years. I loved and adored my time in the Coldstream and look back at all the fun and silliness with incredibly fond memories. I hope these letters go some way to show the amusing side of our tour, they are not designed to be a factual representation of the hard work, pain and suffering that so many endured. They do not talk of the ultimate sacrifice made by too many of our soldiers during that extraordinary year.

Nulli Secundus.

The Coldstream Guards Capstar
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There is 1 comment on this post
  1. Caroline Cormack
    September 04, 2020, 9:52 am

    Another triumph. Please bring one back for me. Xx😇

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Super excited to be launching a real life race team @guinchoracing to take on some of the worlds wildest and most extreme rallies. I have now become a @ourmotorsportuk qualified rally driver with @skeggsmatt and we now have our first race car, a Range Rover classic V8, to convert into a Dakar rally spec weapon. Follow @guinchoracing for more updates as we get ready for racing across Africa in 2026 in the @africaecorace - Sponsorship opportunities launching soon!!! #GuinchoRacing, #RallyRaidIberia, #OffRoadPortugal, #SpainRallyRaid, #MoroccoDesertRally, #DakarDreaming, #Classic4x4Adventure, #RangeRoverRally, #IberianRallyTeam #AfricaEcoRaceReady, #travel #adventure
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After a little silence on insta there has been some breeding, now there are three!! Ventura will always have a special place in my heart, but now with Dudley the Series nearing completion suddenly selling him feels very hard, maybe too hard? The newest recruit, Roger the Range Rover is currently undergoing a conversion to become @guinchoracing first race car ready for 2026 inaugural rally season (watch this space) . . . #rangeroverv8 #defendertd5 #series3 #v8 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #guinchoracing
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Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend.
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#series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
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Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend. . . . #series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
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A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 6 - final race day, a complex day focussed on careful navigation. We started by cocking it up from the start when I entered yesterday’s start line into the GPS…so we were late for the briefing and got penalised before we even began. We set off to be the fastest, as have decided that the rules are for sissies, but still managed to miss a few checkpoints and finish rather unimpressive 30th today. (Still fastest time to finish!) Insane drive North to Rabat, over the snowy Atlas Mountains through a blizzard. Our windscreen wiper broke on day 1 so I had to MacGyver some bungee cord and a rope into a makeshift wiper. Somehow it held and we made it across the mountains and snow storms and into extraordinary rolling green countryside. Breath taking scenery mixed with mental Moroccan drivers skidding into ditches around us. Only a casual 12 hour journey home in the rain tomorrow to finish this epic adventure. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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5/9
Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. 

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Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. The car ran beautifully and I can’t imagine how she survived the brutal thrashing the speed we gave her, poor thing! We smashed the competition today finishing a massive 8mins ahead of all cars in the whole raid. Sadly we still got caught speeding 4 times, so placed 13th despite being the fastest. Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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6/9
Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms!

Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem.

Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms! Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem. Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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7/9
Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours.

We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving!

Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours. We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving! Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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8/9
Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night.

Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night. Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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9/9
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