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Iraq
Sun Worshipping
June 18, 2020 by TLO in Iraq
Shat Al Arab Hotel,
Basrah
Iraq
20th Jun 2005
Dear All,
From what I hear on the news, your weekends have been blessed with a bit of sunshine. So I imagine all the headlines are filled with stories of buckled railways, drowned beach dwellers, hundred-mile long traffic jams to the south coast, pensioners croaking it in the heat, and record sales of ice creams and windbreakers in Skegness. My brother was telling me on the phone, that he had nearly had to rush to the hospital with heat exhaustion after carrying a bean bag up the stairs to his new flat, and had been forced to employ some burly South Africans to move his heavier cushions up the stairs! God I miss England, the thermometer showed a steady 58 degrees yesterday, and no one batted an eyelid. So I thought it only fitting to tell you a sun-related story…
You should all be familiar with the people in the world who are like Swans, all calm and serene on the surface and paddling like hell underneath the water to achieve anything. I like to think of myself as a duck, not just any old duck but an upside-down duck, feet flapping wildly in the air achieving nothing at all whilst my body lies calmly beneath the surface in a state of complete relaxation.
In fact, I think I have developed the art of looking busy whilst doing nothing so well, that people have stopped asking me to do things as I am clearly too busy (Having four different jobs also helps, as no one knows which one I am doing when). As a result, I am in the fortunate position of being able to do whatever I want and get away with it. I go on patrol when I want, I go out on the boats when I want, I fire my Mortars when I want, I sleep when I want, I eat when I want and I do nothing when I want.
I started to get a little bored the other day and decided I needed something to really sink my teeth into to keep me entertained and my brain ticking over. I toiled with the idea of learning a language or how to play a musical instrument, I thought about teaching myself something I might use when I leave the Army. But in the end, I decided to take on the uplifting and mentally challenging art of Sunbathing. I have managed, through a very kind friend back in civilisation (Thanks Emily, x), to get hold of a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic, Factor f**k all, and am now slowly cooking myself into a native.
But it hasn’t all gone smoothly, last week having finished some prime afternoon sunbathing, I wandered back to my room to discover that it was locked and a note pinned to the door saying, “Oh dear, did I leave my key in the door. I wonder if it’s now at the end of the corridor??” Realising I was the butt of some jokers gag, I set off on the very long treasure hunt laid out around the hotel for me. I went everywhere in the search of post-it notes with the next clue on, finally ending up in the Ops Room, the hub of activity in the Hotel. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but on this occasion, I was only wearing a rather fetching pair of running shorts, you know the type that is basically a pair of Y fronts with a loincloth wrapped around. So basically I was as close to being naked as you can get whilst maintaining some level of decency.
I checked down the corridors and legged it into the ops room searching for the next clue, I grabbed the post-it note stuck onto the huge map of Basrah and ran for the door. I was picking up speed as I made it towards the door, when I heard some shouts behind me, as I turned around I was exiting the door and ran full pelt into the Commanding Officer. Try and explain that one!! I think he was more annoyed by the assault on his senses, having six foot two of oily sweaty body all over him, as we fell to the floor is hardly how he would have imagined his day being interrupted. Did I mention that all sunbathing is strictly forbidden, and it was the middle of the day and I was meant to be working? The worst part was I still had half the treasure hunt to do before I could get some clothes on for a proper ticking off, apparently, he didn’t want to talk to me in a loin cloth!
As I seem to get caught all the time doing silly things I have slightly developed the Waterskiing idea, in the second half of my tour after my holiday, I am bringing my waterski back here. I have identified a time when the water is always calm, and the locals are not out fishing too much, and by far the most important thing is that the long trouser wearers will all still be tucked up in bed. So Operation “Waterski in Basrah” is underway, hopefully, I won’t get caught on this little jaunt!!
Missing you all. (Back quite soon, 15th July) Hope alls well.
Take care.
All my love
T
x
Sunset in Iraq

The letter above is part of a series of letters I sent home from Basrah, Iraq in 2005 republished here for the first time since they got sent exactly 15 years ago (I will try and sync them with the real dates sent)

I suppose this was my very first attempt at blogging, before blogging was ever a thing!

I was a Captain in The British Army at the time and was in the middle of an unremarkable 7 month posting to Basrah surrounded by the remarkable men of the Coldstream Guards, my regiment for 7 years. I loved and adored my time in the Coldstream and look back at all the fun and silliness with incredibly fond memories. I hope these letters go some way to show the amusing side of our tour, they are not designed to be a factual representation of the hard work, pain and suffering that so many endured. They do not talk of the ultimate sacrifice made by too many of our soldiers during that extraordinary year.

Nulli Secundus.

The Coldstream Guards Capstar
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There are 4 comments on this post
  1. Jeston
    June 19, 2020, 11:03 am

    As your Adjutant at the time, I do remember having to remove and readjust my monocle when I heard about that.

    • TLO
      June 19, 2020, 11:08 am

      Adding a layer of authenticity to my ridiculous tales!! Brilliant, thanks. T

  2. NBH
    June 19, 2020, 1:42 pm

    I thought it was a little dangerous outside but I hadn’t planned on being decked inside, and not by the enemy either.
    Great set of letters Tom, and great pictures as well.

    • TLO
      June 19, 2020, 9:26 pm

      Thank you sir. X

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After a little silence on insta there has been some breeding, now there are three!! Ventura will always have a special place in my heart, but now with Dudley the Series nearing completion suddenly selling him feels very hard, maybe too hard? The newest recruit, Roger the Range Rover is currently undergoing a conversion to become @guinchoracing first race car ready for 2026 inaugural rally season (watch this space)
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After a little silence on insta there has been some breeding, now there are three!! Ventura will always have a special place in my heart, but now with Dudley the Series nearing completion suddenly selling him feels very hard, maybe too hard? The newest recruit, Roger the Range Rover is currently undergoing a conversion to become @guinchoracing first race car ready for 2026 inaugural rally season (watch this space) . . . #rangeroverv8 #defendertd5 #series3 #v8 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #guinchoracing
1 month ago
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1/9
Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend.
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#series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
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Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend. . . . #series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
1 year ago
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2/9
A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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3/9
Day 6 - final race day, a complex day focussed on careful navigation. We started by cocking it up from the start when I entered yesterday’s start line into the GPS…so we were late for the briefing and got penalised before we even began.

We set off to be the fastest, as have decided that the rules are for sissies, but still managed to miss a few checkpoints and finish rather unimpressive 30th today. (Still fastest time to finish!)

Insane drive North to Rabat, over the snowy Atlas Mountains through a blizzard. Our windscreen wiper broke on day 1 so I had to MacGyver some bungee cord and a rope into a makeshift wiper. Somehow it held and we made it across the mountains and snow storms and into extraordinary rolling green countryside. Breath taking scenery mixed with mental Moroccan drivers skidding into ditches around us.

Only a casual 12 hour journey home in the rain tomorrow to finish this epic adventure.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 6 - final race day, a complex day focussed on careful navigation. We started by cocking it up from the start when I entered yesterday’s start line into the GPS…so we were late for the briefing and got penalised before we even began. We set off to be the fastest, as have decided that the rules are for sissies, but still managed to miss a few checkpoints and finish rather unimpressive 30th today. (Still fastest time to finish!) Insane drive North to Rabat, over the snowy Atlas Mountains through a blizzard. Our windscreen wiper broke on day 1 so I had to MacGyver some bungee cord and a rope into a makeshift wiper. Somehow it held and we made it across the mountains and snow storms and into extraordinary rolling green countryside. Breath taking scenery mixed with mental Moroccan drivers skidding into ditches around us. Only a casual 12 hour journey home in the rain tomorrow to finish this epic adventure. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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4/9
Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. 

The car ran beautifully and I can’t imagine how she survived the brutal thrashing the speed we gave her, poor thing! We smashed the competition today finishing a massive 8mins ahead of all cars in the whole raid. Sadly we still got caught speeding 4 times, so placed 13th despite being the fastest. 

Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. The car ran beautifully and I can’t imagine how she survived the brutal thrashing the speed we gave her, poor thing! We smashed the competition today finishing a massive 8mins ahead of all cars in the whole raid. Sadly we still got caught speeding 4 times, so placed 13th despite being the fastest. Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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5/9
Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms!

Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem.

Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms! Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem. Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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6/9
Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours.

We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving!

Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours. We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving! Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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7/9
Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night.

Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night. Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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8/9
Day 2 - A day of exciting sand rivers, fast tracks and huge distance. We found ourselves pushing as far south as the rally goes, and heading into a tented camp (Bivouac) for the night.

Ventura let us down despite looking amazing with an over heating fuel pump that needed to be swapped out that night, so we placed a casual 24th (better than last!)

Lada Niva in final shot is coolest car in the race. They are winning their class and beat us on day 2!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure.
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Day 2 - A day of exciting sand rivers, fast tracks and huge distance. We found ourselves pushing as far south as the rally goes, and heading into a tented camp (Bivouac) for the night. Ventura let us down despite looking amazing with an over heating fuel pump that needed to be swapped out that night, so we placed a casual 24th (better than last!) Lada Niva in final shot is coolest car in the race. They are winning their class and beat us on day 2! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure.
1 year ago
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9/9
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