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It’s minus 25 at the top
February 20, 2020 by TLO in Travel

It’s what we all say when it gets really cold skiing, it’s like a code word that we expect people to know. It’s one of those little lies we say that are nearly true, and in fact are only not true because we didn’t get a picture of a thermometer the precise moment we thought we were about to die of cold.

Really what we want to say is it was F’ing cold, but sadly no one has been inarticulate enough to invent a swear word that is explicit enough. So we lie, just a little to make a point.

We do it all the time, especially around holiday and mainly around the more extravagant of our travels. Skiing, Safari, Pony trekking across the Andes, Dolphin riding around the Galapagos all come with a hint of a lie to make our stories sound better, never more so than if you write them down!

When was the last time anyone told the truth about how long a long drive took?? “I once drove from London to Inverness in 5.5hrs” – no you didn’t, but I like your chat.

Skiing has always given us the greatest scope for talking twaddle,

“Little Foo Foo was skiing when she was 7 months old, she’ll probably ski for England” It’s plain old b*llocks and in fact we all know Foo Foo wouldn’t get picked for the village tiddly winks team, but we let the lie go.

It’s part of the appeal of skiing, it’s very difficult to prove someone is talking nonsense when they say “we skied for 14 hours” “we skied so hard we covered the whole resort in 2 hours” “we were skiing at over 100kmh” it’s obviously all complete piffle paffle, but we soak up the lies and tales like a cheap sofa soaks up the smell of fags and BO.

But one thing ruined all the lies – Ski Tracks. 

About 10 years ago or so some bright spark made this little blue app of doom, it quite simply records your top speed, distance covered and altitude skied throughout a day. It has  just ruined a perfectly good ski holiday for me.

I really like skiing fast, its exciting and exhilarating and all those things. For a solid week I was topping the speed list amongst our group of friends in Georgia, when out of the corner of my eye on a particularly fast run one of them caught me…not what I had been expecting and not what I had planned – It was too late. 98kmh or 61mph. The bastard. (I won’t name him, I don’t want him taking more glory, but his name sounds like…Jon Pong Wees)

16.4 football pitches in 1 minute. That’s insanely fast. I couldn’t beat it. He had proof, Ski Tracks said so. I couldn’t argue, I couldn’t lie, there was no argument to be had. Look at the picture! It would actually be a massive exaggeration to say that it ruined my holiday…but I think that’s what this whole post is all about. So it ruined my whole holiday.

I have since deleted Ski Tracks. From now on I am going to continue lying and feeling like I won, even when I know I didn’t.

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There are 3 comments on this post
  1. ELO
    February 21, 2020, 2:07 pm

    I stopped competing on this front when Camilla beat my previous quickest of 103km/hr with 107km/hr. I’ve since resigned all hope of ever reclaiming the crown.

    Particularly galling because I think I got my top speed whilst falling over. Hers is legit.

    • TLO
      February 21, 2020, 2:45 pm

      This is the problem…no photo, no proof!
      At least if you simply lied I would be forced to believe you.

  2. AffiliateLabz
    February 22, 2020, 5:23 am

    Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂

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Super excited to be launching a real life race team @guinchoracing to take on some of the worlds wildest and most extreme rallies. I have now become a @ourmotorsportuk qualified rally driver with @skeggsmatt and we now have our first race car, a Range Rover classic V8, to convert into a Dakar rally spec weapon. Follow @guinchoracing for more updates as we get ready for racing across Africa in 2026 in the @africaecorace - Sponsorship opportunities launching soon!!! #GuinchoRacing, #RallyRaidIberia, #OffRoadPortugal, #SpainRallyRaid, #MoroccoDesertRally, #DakarDreaming, #Classic4x4Adventure, #RangeRoverRally, #IberianRallyTeam #AfricaEcoRaceReady, #travel #adventure
1 month ago
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After a little silence on insta there has been some breeding, now there are three!! Ventura will always have a special place in my heart, but now with Dudley the Series nearing completion suddenly selling him feels very hard, maybe too hard? The newest recruit, Roger the Range Rover is currently undergoing a conversion to become @guinchoracing first race car ready for 2026 inaugural rally season (watch this space)
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#rangeroverv8 #defendertd5 #series3 #v8 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #guinchoracing
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After a little silence on insta there has been some breeding, now there are three!! Ventura will always have a special place in my heart, but now with Dudley the Series nearing completion suddenly selling him feels very hard, maybe too hard? The newest recruit, Roger the Range Rover is currently undergoing a conversion to become @guinchoracing first race car ready for 2026 inaugural rally season (watch this space) . . . #rangeroverv8 #defendertd5 #series3 #v8 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #guinchoracing
3 months ago
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2/9
Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend.
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#series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
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Meet Dudley. A new member of the 4 Low fleet. This one getting a full beach runner restoration with the intention of maybe, just maybe being sold in the future. Follow along for all kinds of DIY cock ups as I try and revive this little legend. . . . #series3 #landroverseries #beachrunner #vintagelandrover #landylove #landroverclub #landroverlove #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #reborn #refurbish #restore #revitalise #revive
1 year ago
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3/9
A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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A highlight reel from @marocchallenge in March. An epic week introducing us to the world of racing, rally driving and a whole new world of fun. Full video on YouTube (link in bio) - more of this will be coming soon I am sure!! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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4/9
Day 6 - final race day, a complex day focussed on careful navigation. We started by cocking it up from the start when I entered yesterday’s start line into the GPS…so we were late for the briefing and got penalised before we even began.

We set off to be the fastest, as have decided that the rules are for sissies, but still managed to miss a few checkpoints and finish rather unimpressive 30th today. (Still fastest time to finish!)

Insane drive North to Rabat, over the snowy Atlas Mountains through a blizzard. Our windscreen wiper broke on day 1 so I had to MacGyver some bungee cord and a rope into a makeshift wiper. Somehow it held and we made it across the mountains and snow storms and into extraordinary rolling green countryside. Breath taking scenery mixed with mental Moroccan drivers skidding into ditches around us.

Only a casual 12 hour journey home in the rain tomorrow to finish this epic adventure.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 6 - final race day, a complex day focussed on careful navigation. We started by cocking it up from the start when I entered yesterday’s start line into the GPS…so we were late for the briefing and got penalised before we even began. We set off to be the fastest, as have decided that the rules are for sissies, but still managed to miss a few checkpoints and finish rather unimpressive 30th today. (Still fastest time to finish!) Insane drive North to Rabat, over the snowy Atlas Mountains through a blizzard. Our windscreen wiper broke on day 1 so I had to MacGyver some bungee cord and a rope into a makeshift wiper. Somehow it held and we made it across the mountains and snow storms and into extraordinary rolling green countryside. Breath taking scenery mixed with mental Moroccan drivers skidding into ditches around us. Only a casual 12 hour journey home in the rain tomorrow to finish this epic adventure. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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5/9
Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. 

The car ran beautifully and I can’t imagine how she survived the brutal thrashing the speed we gave her, poor thing! We smashed the competition today finishing a massive 8mins ahead of all cars in the whole raid. Sadly we still got caught speeding 4 times, so placed 13th despite being the fastest. 

Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 5 - a rally special stage around Erg Chebbi dunes. Slightly less challenging terrain meant we had a super fast somewhat terrifying run today. Over taking from 12th all the way to the front, I have never felt closer to being in an actual rally car in my life. Totally awesome and brilliant fun, sideways, jumping, power sliding our way through the dunes and gravel tracks. The car ran beautifully and I can’t imagine how she survived the brutal thrashing the speed we gave her, poor thing! We smashed the competition today finishing a massive 8mins ahead of all cars in the whole raid. Sadly we still got caught speeding 4 times, so placed 13th despite being the fastest. Stupid rules, we obvs win on lad points. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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6/9
Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms!

Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem.

Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place!
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 4 - Our fastest day so far, no car trouble, only one pee stop and a great track that took us through mountain passes, gravel plains and soft sandy routes. Superb fun with no wind and no sand storms! Longest single dune climb I have ever done (7km) of slow incline up a big sand monster, car started to struggle near the top but made it no problem. Awesome technical dune section that allowed us to pass the whole pack and meant we finished in first place, but sadly a navigation error (my fault) meant we missed a Waypoint and placed 12th. Maybe tomorrow with a day of dunes might bring a top ten place! . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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7/9
Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours.

We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving!

Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Day 3 - Billed as a nice easy day, started well with epic landscapes and bone jangling rocks. Within a blink of an eye a wild sand storm enveloped us and reduced our speed to 10kmh for many hours. We had GPS issues (my fault) and as such found ourselves facing the wrong way into traffic, chilled, and then were forced to always follow someone else to the finish line. We came 17th today, so are improving! Ventura running smoothly with her new heart pumping diesel, just an increase in squeaks, bangs, knocks and pieces falling off. She still goes one! Tomorrow we aim for top 10. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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8/9
Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night.

Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye.
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#marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
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Bivouac - God knows how many people in one tented camp for the night. Maybe 400 people, 200 tents, amazing food, ice cold beer and a welcome retreat from the endless Sand storm that raged all night. Garage Iriki set themselves up in support of @marocchallenge and do the most incredible job of piecing all the broken wagons back together. I needed only the smallest assistance to fit a new fuel pump. I’d liken it to heart surgery in a sand storm…I was the anaesthetist, I thought it best to let the pro do the technical stuff. We nailed it and the car was back in the road in a blink of a sand filled eye. . . . #marocchallenge #marochallengespring2024 #landrover110 #td5 #dualcab #defender110 #theadventuretruck #landylove #defender #greenlane #landroverclub #td5mafia #defendertd5 #landroverlove #dcpu #adventuretruck #landroverlifestyle #landroverphotos #landroveroflisbon #defender_life_style #venturatruck #travel #adventure
1 year ago
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9/9
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