Despite pretending we have adventures were ever we go, things have some what dried up in recent weeks. Let be honest, life is f’ing dull. I’m not going to polish this turd and tell you all what a great time we have had and how it’s almost as much fun as real life. It isn’t, that would simply be a lie. We are all bored out of our skulls, desperate to get back to work, socialising, travelling, moving and interacting with other people. I told Lexi all of my jokes about 5 years ago, so my material is thinner than my hair and her patience is thinner still, I am now realizing part of the reason our relationship has lasted nearly 10 years is that i have only been at home for about 3 weeks of that! It now seems sitting in silence mindlessly flicking through social media is the new normal. Will this new found addiction to my phone ever subside?

I, like every other smug prick with an instagram account, have tried to learn some new stuff during these unprecedented times – I have learnt that being in isolation with a talkative 3 year old is like having an insane parrot super glued to your shoulder.  I have learnt I can now do an entire weekly shop whilst holding my breath. I have learnt my iPhone’s face recognition doesn’t work when I have 2 chocolate digestives in my mouth, and that no amount of shouting will make a 6 year old learn his times tables. I have learnt that when a puppy eats a green crayon their poo goes green and that by far my favourite member of my family is our new pet dinosaur called Brian…let me introduce you.