Despite pretending we have adventures were ever we go, things have some what dried up in recent weeks. Let be honest, life is f’ing dull. I’m not going to polish this turd and tell you all what a great time we have had and how it’s almost as much fun as real life. It isn’t, that would simply be a lie. We are all bored out of our skulls, desperate to get back to work, socialising, travelling, moving and interacting with other people. I told Lexi all of my jokes about 5 years ago, so my material is thinner than my hair and her patience is thinner still, I am now realizing part of the reason our relationship has lasted nearly 10 years is that i have only been at home for about 3 weeks of that! It now seems sitting in silence mindlessly flicking through social media is the new normal. Will this new found addiction to my phone ever subside?
I, like every other smug prick with an instagram account, have tried to learn some new stuff during these unprecedented times – I have learnt that being in isolation with a talkative 3 year old is like having an insane parrot super glued to your shoulder. I have learnt I can now do an entire weekly shop whilst holding my breath. I have learnt my iPhone’s face recognition doesn’t work when I have 2 chocolate digestives in my mouth, and that no amount of shouting will make a 6 year old learn his times tables. I have learnt that when a puppy eats a green crayon their poo goes green and that by far my favourite member of my family is our new pet dinosaur called Brian…let me introduce you.
Secretly I am a bit fed up of being sanctimonious and pretending “the good life” is hugely rewarding, really what I want to say is: Homemade pizza is not as good as Carluccios, homemade sourdough is not as good as a supermarket loaf, home cured salted pork belly is revolting, digging compost heaps is not rewarding, making papier-mâché creatures is not fun and Joe Wickes is a bit of a twat.
So with that in mind Archie, Jack and I have taken on the challenge set by no one at all, in making a video of our adventures through isolation and trying to make it look fun. A combination of dens, camps, bike rides, baking, puzzles, lego, swimming, nerf gun raids on our new puppy have meant our Isolated adventures do look way more fun than the reality if you never see longer than 4 seconds, cut it together with a fat Ozzie singer and hey presto Isolation suddenly doesn’t look so bad, and maybe that’s actually how we will try and remember it!