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Opinion
How to be a good expat
December 12, 2019 by TLO in Opinion

I haven’t been doing this expat thing for very long, but have picked up on a few “expat habits” that we could all do with ironing out. So in a step away from my usual stories about our life I thought I would share some of my balanced and rounded opinion on life.

Here is my short and concise guide on “how to be a good expat”, feel free to let me know in the comments below about how much you all agree…

Top ten tips to being good expat.

1. Don’t post a picture of a glass of champagne from a lounge/ business/ first class seat. Quite simply this is unforgivable twatishness.

2. Don’t wear sunglasses/ linen shirts all the time when at home – “oh darling it’s so bloody hot where we live I just can’t imagine life without them” = nob

3. Don’t mention not paying tax – just don’t, you will have no friends.

4. Don’t tell anyone how much you pay your maid/ nanny/ helper/ driver/ chef/ dog walker/ gardener (delete as appropriate) – your mates don’t have those things so will think you are a dick who runs a slave racket.

5. Don’t complain about how much your flight home cost – you’re the one who lives away, so suck it up. Most people can’t afford the train to Brighton let alone a long haul flight for the whole family three times a year.

6. Don’t ever mention the weather, British people do NOT want to be reminded of their situation and your 363 days a year of sunshine chat will only make them want to poke you in the eyes.

7. Don’t go home unannounced and expect anyone to give a sh*t or be free. It’s far more likely that little Petunia’s violin practice will take precedent over catching up on your slightly turgid news, get over it, your life isn’t that interesting!

8. Don’t make the mistake of thinking “Brunch” is a sign of success or that you have in someway made it. You haven’t, it’s an all you can eat buffet like the Harvester used to do, that’s all.

9. If you get a sh*t local stray dog, don’t try and pretend it’s better than a Labrador or a Spaniel. It isn’t.

10. Don’t start a blog – literally no one gives a sh*t about your life. Particularly if they are on a commute to their dreary job, and you feel it’s necessary to share your experiences in bad mispelt English.

11. Don’t take yourself too seriously. I know this is 11 points, and mispelt has been misspelt.

Expat Twat
Expat Brunch
Harvester Buffet
expat dog
3 Comments
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TLO

There are 3 comments on this post
  1. Jeff Gorman
    December 13, 2019, 7:32 am
    Leave reply

    Love all of these, but especially # 10, TLO! You crack me up…. 😘

  2. Mr
    December 13, 2019, 7:54 pm
    Leave reply

    Hi mate, hope all is well. How do you unsubscribe from these?

  3. Ian
    December 16, 2019, 12:56 pm
    Leave reply

    Wisdom based on experience – if anyone’s interested in wisdom!

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